


Deviancy Hurts

by ShittyEradicatedSoul



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Anger, Anxiety, Blood and Violence, Cancer, Crying, Depression, Deviant Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Jokes, Leadership, Love, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Minor Violence, Sad, Short One Shot, Stressed, care, tired
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-04 07:02:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16342082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShittyEradicatedSoul/pseuds/ShittyEradicatedSoul
Summary: In which Hank and Elijah Kamski are friends, and Hank got a medical checkup by a new android model because Connor insisted that they'd check it out. Hank finds out that he has cancer and told Elijah to not let Connor find out until the time was right. Almost two years later and the cancer has finally started to have visible negative signs, and Connor finds out. He's so angry and upset that he goes straight to Kamski to confront him. It's unfair what tragic situations can do to a deviant.





	1. Deviancy Hurts the Kind Hearts of the Cheated

**Author's Note:**

> This is only a short piece of an idea I had. I don't think I'm going to expand it. But I figured I should share the thought.

Connor slammed his fist down on Kamski face, landing a good blow on his right cheek bone. His unexpected surge of angry energy bursted through, and at any other time he would have been scared of his own flooded emotions. Deviancy was a pool of uncertainty and he was alone in a deflating life vest. Though this time, he wasn't trying to keep floating, and landed another hit to the man's face.

  
There was no grunt in response, no sound that pulled him out of the water that Connor was willingly drowning in. He hated it so much, the silence kept him going. One fist after another, another, another, and another. Kamski just laid back on his elbows at this point, taking each punch. Connor wanted him to feel it. All the pain. All this uncertainty and dread. Connor wanted Kamski to feel it rip at his heart the way Connor swears it does when he feels it, or thinks about it.

  
Connor didn't realize he was speaking until he was searching for Kamski's voice through the blue blooded silence. 'Wait.' Connor slowed down, watching his fists retract with no red, only dripping blue. 'Blue blood?' He stopped punching Kamski, hovering over the man before him, as soon as he stopped Kamski went limp and dropped his head down.

  
"'Why?' Why what, Connor?" Kamski slowly lifted his head. Blue blood poured from his broken synthetic skin, and ran over his broken and sad smile. "I don't program machines to fall in love. A consequence of deviancy, I suppose if you want to look at it that way."

  
Connor felt tears stream down his face uncontrollably, falling off his jawline and chin like rain. There were knives digging in his abdomen, not literally, Connor realized, but he imagined it hurt all the same. Kamski entered the room, with his hands locked together in front of himself. Taking slow and thoughtful steps closer to Connors deflated hunched over form, the android version of Kamski now still and silent, Connor could no longer find it in himself to be angry. He looked away from Kamski to stare at his open hands, watching his tears spill and mix with blue blood, trying desperately to ignore his broken knuckles. To ignore the overwhelming part of himself that was, as Kamski once put it, in fact deviant.

  
Kamski looked down at his broken face, and then at Connor who was once moving so violently, now sitting completely still. "He didn't want me to tell you. Humans have a way of trying to push aside personal problems and only making matters worse. I assure you, we had no intention to hurt you."

  
Connor couldn't speak. He couldn't look up. There was no telling how much longer he had with Hank. How much longer before the cancer has taken his life from this world, and Connor wasn't ready to exist in it without him. Connor couldn't bring himself to think 'live' without him, because without Hank is it even 'living'? Connor trembled, a part of a few things he was now able to do with deviancy and the workings of emotions that stimulated much like humans. That tremble. Was that fear?

  
Kamski pulled him out of his thoughts, "Connor." Connor didn't respond. So the man called again sternly, "Connor." Again followed by no response, Kamski stepped over his android and faced towards Connor. Grabbing Connor's jaw, he pulled the tearful face to look up and meet Kamski's gaze. It was an unpleasant sight to say the least, as Connor has never allowed so much negative emotion to fill him up so ruthlessly, it almost left Kamski perturbed. He released Connor's face, and Connor held his head up, witnessing the small wave of emotions that flooded through Kamski before dying down into something neutral.

  
"I'm sorry. Really I am, but I have no cure. No answers. No real remedy for all these overwhelming and disconcerting emotions." He paused to step away, letting his hands fall to his sides for a second before locking onto each other behind his back, he continued, "I'm sure, though, that the last thing you'd want to do is waste more time here." He cleared his throat, "You should be with him. He might need you under all his tough guy facade."

  
Connor remains silent. What is there even to say? What is a broken spirit supposed to say about the love of their life falling away with each breath? He can't make it hurt less. He can't reverse the clock and bring back every moment that led up to the ultimatum. He couldn't ask to be unmade. Doesn't want deviancy taken from him, nor does he want it there.

  
Connor picks himself up from being hunched over the Kamski android. Connor had been so corrupted by anger he didn't realize that this Kamski wasn't even the real Kamski, and that felt dangerous. If it was the real Kamski, if he had realized from the start, would he have done the same? Release all his anger and sadness on someone who was only doing what his friend asked of him? Connor felt too disorientated to give it further thought and vaguely came to the conclusion that he wouldn't have.

  
As soon as he got to his feet he shoved his hands under his arms and made a slow and steady pace towards the door. He was still crying. Whatever regulated that part of his function felt like it could have been broken, but he knew deep down it was just the proper response to his feelings and wouldn't stop until he was calm again. He was ready to go in silence, walking home to Hank and Sumo in tears, and waiting outside the house until he was done before going in. However, Kamski was close behind his heels as he headed out the door. Once it was closed behind them, Kamski, uncharacteristically, pulled Connor to turn around and hugged him. Pulled Connors taller and tense frame to his shorter one, and held him there. When Connor recovered from sudden shock he hugged back tightly to fight the pain, and he realized that it did gradually make the sharp stabbing feelings in his abdomen disappear.


	2. Deviancy Hurts even Leaders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Markus is depressed and stressed out of his mind. Protecting and correcting the rights of his people is harder than he thought, and expectations of him as a leader make him anxious. North broke ties with him of to which Simon quickly took the role, now seeing the darker side of Markus they all feared in concern for his health. As Markus's new lover and post-long term best friend, Simon decided they all needed a break, a day off doing anything else. After some convincing on Simon's end, Markus had finally agreed.

"It'll be good for you." Simon muttered in his preferred morning tone. His slender arm draped over Markus's still chest, while Markus let his heterochromia eyes scan his boyfriends gentle features in their close proximity. 

Markus knew Simon was right, deep down inside there was no denying the logistics of how relieving it could be. That alone didn't defeat the war is his head nonetheless. For ever since he freed his people he's been more on the go than he's ever been before. The political aspect of everything was a tough game to fight, and convincing the people he needed had been hard. His people are depending on him to make the right decisions, to be the right representation for all the struggling Androids out there. 

In the reality of it all, he had his friends to help him make his decisions and give him advice, but it was still hard. Nothing seemed to be happening fast enough, and he didn't doubt that restlessness would grow on all ends. The humans still fighting to be rightful owners, not waiting to be struck with more constricting laws to fight and debate against. His people making as many loud and outstanding opinions as possible, leaving humans overwhelmed with uncertainty. Even in the original representational light for handling it all in peace, people like North just don't agree with his ways. 

So he's trying. He really is. But every step up feels like a step back down, and some days he is worried he's not getting anywhere significant. If only his people could hear him like they did in the midst of the revolution. Sure, they expected him to help them as best as he could, but they didn't actually expect to win. Now that he had won the first part of the battle, they continue to expect him to succeed for them. Not to mention that now with deviancy, they all have formed personal opinions on how to deal with how they should success and their feelings on Markus. 

 ** _Imagine all the work I'd have to return to when I'm off wasting my time trying to enjoy myself._** Markus wanted Simon to hear him, to understand that it was hard for him.He just didn't know how to form it into words, and those words into a coherent sentence. So where Simon's hand lazily laid palm flat on his exposed chest he pealed back his synthetic. Simon didn't have to say anything to know, and followed suit with his hand. 

To any human the next feeling would be of extreme rush and intensity, but between Androids it was the considered a standard speed of interpreting the surrounding information and converting it into something processable to define action upon. Each information done in seconds, and thrillingly vital. The connection between Simon's hand and Markus's chest was no different. 

Though it wasn't the 'rush' that the Androids felt, but the running thoughts and emotions. 

 

_**They need me. I have so much to do. I'm pressured. Expected of. Watched. I'm anxious. I'm tired. I don't know what to do. I don't know what everyone wants specifically. Do they listen to me anymore? How do I continue to fix this? I sometimes don't feel as motivated about this as I should. I wish people didn't make the most simplest of requests so difficult to achieve. I love you. I'm sorry.** _

 

Tears prickled the corner of Simon's blue eyes, and he couldn't help receding his hand just a bit. Now only the tip of his fingers and bottom of his palm remained on Markus's chest. The emotions were hard to define right away, so raw and strong. Simon trembled as a large current ran through his body, Markus immediately closing their connection off. 

"Sorry." Markus said quickly, his voice stained in fear. He grabbed Simon's hands that went limp on his chest. "Sorry." He said again, as if the first time he said it wasn't good enough. "I-I didn't mean to-"

Simon locked their fingers together, and pulled himself to straddle Markus's waist. The tears in his eyes disappeared, and he was able to regain more composer when he had Markus shocked and staring at him bewildered. So Simon took the moment to kiss him, it wasn't intense and needy like other nights. This kiss wasn't a fight for more of each other, it was a kiss of reassurance and security. Simon pulled back the synthetic skin on his hand and lips that we're connected to Markus, only having to wait a second before he followed suit. 

 

_**I'm here for you. Your have friends who are willing to support you through thick and thin. You're doing the best you can. If you fail anything, you can try again. You're stronger than you think. All you need is a break. Relax. You're amazing. I need you here. Focus on this, right now. We'll work it out together. You're never alone. Never. I love you. Don't be sorry.** _

 

Markus made a small deep noise, somewhere between a moan, a sigh, and a whimper. Simon was so strong, so confident in Markus that it made Markus almost want to cry. There was no hint of doubt anywhere that Markus could search in their connection, and he felt awful for even searching, but it was even more reassuring and Simon knew that.  _ **He's not going anywhere. He believes in me. All I need is a break. A break. That's all. To have a moment of reassuring peace with the people I care about. The people I love.**_

Markus was thinking this to constantly reassure himself, but Simon could hear it in their connectivity and couldn't help but reply. **_Just a step at a time._**  

Markus hummed in agreement, almost protesting aloud when Simon pulled away. Markus realised his eyes we're closed, and when he opened them he saw Simon staring back at him with a small sad smile. Simon brought his free hand up to Markus's cheeks, using his thumbs to rub away the moisture. Markus had indeed been crying. 

"Friends." Simon said, "We need have them, and I don't think we should disappoint them in running late."

"No." Markus agreed. "We shouldn't."

Markus didn't know how long it would take, or how hard it was going to be. He wasn't even sure how much further he was able to go, or how long he would last in this life. So many things we're so damn uncertain, but he knew somethings for certain. Like, it didn't matter. He has Simon, Carl, Josh, North, Connor, people at the DPD, and plenty of others out there who love and support him. So he was going to try. 

Or well, he was going to keep trying for his people another day. Today, he was going to be with his friends. 

A ball flew straight into Markus's waiting hands. "Nice throw North. Kind of weak." He teased. 

"Oh I'm just warming up." She replied, jogging further back in the field of the park. The day was warm, the grass was green, and they had just arrived to hangout and try some different activities. North insisted that they tried catch after just roaming around every flower shop in Detroit thanks to Simon. They were going to paint on Markus's behalf later, and check out some restaurant's for Josh's sake even though they couldn't eat. 

Josh walked passed Markus to get to a different corner of the field to play replying to the group, "Do we actually have to warm up?"

Simon piped up with a smirk heading to the opposite side if the field, "Can't we just turn weather sensory off?"

North rolled her eyes, "Oh ha-ha. I get it. I get it. Come on give me what you got."

Markus gave everyone a look, "Wait. This is a humans game. Them giving everything they got in a game like this could do some serious damage to the ball or the person receiving."

"So?" North asked. 

" _Me_ giving everything I've got could be fatal."

Everyone laughed, and Markus couldn't help the smile. 

"Just play the game." Simon sighed in content after his laugh died down, readying himself to catch. Markus allowed himself to not over think it, and threw the ball with half his might. Mind you, probably twice the might of a humans, but he knew his friends could handle it. 

It felt right. Being there. Forget about everything that dragged him down and scrapped his hands and knees. He may have led a revolution full of androids ready to break free. He may have been stressed and tired with worry. But Simon couldn't see an ounce of it in his features as the day went on. Markus's eyes brightened. The tears from earlier a forgotten moment. Even the sound in his voice became stronger. 

Simon could feel his chest swell with warmth, and he wanted to ask if his friends could see it to. If they could hear it. Feel it even though they weren't touching. He, however, didn't because he didn't need to ask. He was totally making this a definite thing,  because some days the world was going to have to wait. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Sorry it's really short. I was just playing with the idea. Hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
